


After

by MadalineGrace



Series: What's Your Emergency? [14]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Hypothermia, references to past episodes, tag to 3x15
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:15:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23781451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadalineGrace/pseuds/MadalineGrace
Summary: You can wash away the mud, but you can't just wash away the horror of the day. After all is said and done, can things really just go back to normal?Tag to 3x15 Eddie Begins
Series: What's Your Emergency? [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1688359
Comments: 7
Kudos: 145





	After

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still working on a few other stories, but I had to take a little break to get this one out of my head. It's a little bit Eddie-centric and a little bit Buck-centric. I might still write another tag to this episode because it was just so good. Hope you all are staying safe and well!

Buck stared blankly into the night as Bobby and the LAPD Captain detailed their rescue plan. It was all well and good, but all he could hear was the defeat in their voices. They’d given up. Not in body, but in spirit. In their minds, this had long since transitioned into a recovery mission. A search for Eddie’s body. Vaguely, Buck heard something about a helicopter radar scan for heat signatures, but the tone wasn’t hopeful.

“Won’t be easy.” A weak raspy voice cut in. It was achingly familiar and, for a moment, Buck thought he’d imagined it. His head shot up and there he was. Against all odds, _he was right there._

“Eddie?” Bobby called, hardly daring to believe it.

“Eddie!” Buck shoved past the others and rushed to his friend’s side, grabbing him just as he collapsed.

“I’m pretty cold.” Eddie mumbled into his shoulder. Buck hauled him up out of the mud, torn between the elation at finding him alive and fear for his condition. Eddie looked awful. What skin was visible beneath the dirt and grime was deathly pale and littered with painful cuts and bruises. Buck shared a look with Hen as they both noticed the conspicuous lack of shivering.

“Come on, Eddie.” She said softly so that only he could hear amidst the cheering of the crowd. “Let’s get you checked out so you can go home.”

“I got a big day Friday. I can’t miss it.” Eddie wheezed, his eyes barely open. Buck laughed, all nervous tension. With Bobby’s help, the three of them managed to lift Eddie to his feet to carry him over to the ambulance where Chim was waiting.

“Alright, buddy, here we go. I’ve got some nice warming blankets here with your name on it. Hen’s gonna start you on a liter of oxygen, okay?” In short order, they’d stripped Eddie out of his wet gear and bundled him under several heated layers while Bobby drove them to the hospital. Through it all, Eddie had remained disturbingly limp and pliant.

“Eddie? You with us?” Buck asked worriedly, giving the older man’s shoulder a small shake. Eddie’s brow furrowed, but his eyes remained stubbornly closed.

“Greggs…our helo…ten klicks…”

“What’s that, Eds?” Buck leaned in closer.

“Find…Saint…Christopher…” Eddie coughed raggedly. “Gotta call…call Shannon.” Chim held up a calming hand at the look of pure panic on Buck’s face.

“It’s okay. He’s hypothermic, exhausted, and in mild shock, so a little confusion is normal. I’m not seeing any obvious signs of head trauma and his vitals look pretty good, all things considered.”

“He’s gonna be fine, Buckaroo.” Hen assured him with a small smile. Buck didn’t meet her eyes. Instead, he continued to stare down at Eddie’s battered face and grip his icy hand like a lifeline.

* * *

“Easy, don’t try to move.” A quiet voice instructed before he could even open his eyes. Given the way his muscles were throbbing, Eddie thought it seemed like pretty good advice. He cracked open one eye and glanced to his left to see Buck hunched over in a hospital chair looking absolutely wrecked.

“Mmmmm…what happened?” Eddie rasped, his throat grating like sandpaper. Buck’s eyes widened and his fingers twitched toward the call button.

“You don’t remember?” He asked worriedly. Eddie waved a dismissive hand.

“Well. Trapped. Cold as hell. I was talking about you.” He clarified, gesturing to Buck’s rumpled to appearance. “You look like shit, buddy.” If he’d been expecting Buck to laugh, he was disappointed. Buck stared for a moment, looking haunted, before abruptly changing the subject.

“How do you feel?” His voice was flat, no inflection or emotion, and it was starting to freak Eddie out.

“Uhhh, okay I guess. Tired, still a little cold, kinda achey, but that’s to be expected, right? How’s Hayden?”

“Good.” Eddie waited for Buck to elaborate, but he seemed content to sit in silence.

“Okay, seriously, is there something you’re not telling me? Because this whole ‘quiet Buck’ thing is really starting to worry me. Is it Christopher? Is someone else hurt? Christ, is that what this is-“

“What? No.” Buck cut in, genuinely surprised. “Chris is fine. Carla is with him tonight. I don’t even think she’s told him yet. And _you’re_ the only one hurt. This time…” He finished bitterly. Eddie cocked an eyebrow.

“This time? The hell is that supposed to mean?” Buck shook his head.

“Nothing. I should go.” He started to stand, but Eddie reached out and snagged his wrist.

“Hey, wait. Don’t just-ah!” The sudden movement aggravated one of his strained muscles and pain ignited in his shoulder.

“I’ll get a nurse.” Before Eddie could protest, Buck was out of the room and Eddie didn’t have the breath to call after him. And then suddenly there were people around him, asking him questions, injecting things into his IV line, and he didn’t have the energy to keep up. He thought maybe Abuela was there, speaking softly and running her hands through his hair, but he couldn’t be sure.

* * *

Five days passed, slowly and uneventfully. Eddie went home, hugged his son with every ounce of strength he had, and did his best to enjoy the leave the department had given him. He even found a way to clean up his Silver Star story enough to present at Christopher’s show and tell day. Throughout the week, his days were filled with long naps, mother-henning from Peppa and Abuela, good food courtesy of Bobby, sweet cuddles from Christopher, and visits from his team. The only thing missing was his best friend. In all of that time, Buck hadn’t been over once, which was strange enough for a normal week, and just plain weird now. He’d mostly ignored all of Eddie’s texts and claimed he was working anytime Eddie tried to invite him over. When Eddie mentioned it to the others, they shared knowing looks, but wouldn’t comment other than to say that Buck had in fact been working a lot of extra shifts.

On Eddie’s first day back, there was a lot of back slapping and warm hugs. In traditional Hen fashion, there was a large “Welcome Back!” banner and an elaborate cake waiting. However, once again, there was one conspicuous absence. As Eddie mingled with his colleagues, he finally spotted Buck, crouched next to a ladder truck with a rag in hand. Setting his drink aside, Eddie slipped down the stairs, doing his best to remain undetected as he approached the other man.

“You do know there’s cake up there, right?” Eddie said, coming up behind him. “Because the Evan Buckley I know never passes up free food.” Buck stiffened, but didn’t turn around.

“I already ate.” He replied tonelessly.

“And again I say, you don’t pass up food. What gives? I’m sure polishing the trucks can wait. Besides, this one looks spotless already.” Eddie pointed out. “Come on, it’s not every day your best friend survives getting crushed by thirty feet of mud, huh?” He joked, grinning broadly. Buck whirled around, taking Eddie by surprise. His chest was heaving, eyes intense as he opened his mouth to say something, but he was cut off by the blaring of the alarms overhead. Instead, he fixed Eddie with a sharp glare that he’d never seen before heading off to grab his gear.

* * *

The ride over was silent, the others clearly picking up on the tension between Buck and Eddie. Hen and Chim kept looking at each other in confusion, then shooting questioning glances at Eddie. All Eddie could do was shrug, at as much of a loss as they were. Buck chose to sit up front with Bobby, who elected for a not-so-subtle side-eye. By the time they actually reached the scene, the stress was practically radiating off of them in waves.

It was a fairly straightforward house fire. A child playing with candles had knocked one over and the place had gone up far quicker than anyone could’ve predicted. The parents had both made it out, but the kid was still trapped in one of the upstairs bedrooms.

“Okay, Buck, Chim, I want you on hose duty. Eddie, you’re going up through that window. I’ll control the ladder from here. Hen, you’re on stand-by to treat when we get her out.” Bobby directed. Buck immediately ran up to him, shaking his head.

“I’m faster on ladder drills, you know that. This place is going up too fast.” There was something strange in Buck’s voice, but Bobby didn’t call him on it as he nodded.

“Okay. Diaz, you’re on the hose. Buck, get going.” As Buck climbed the side of the truck, Eddie had to shove aside the feelings of hurt. Did Buck not trust him? Or did he really just think he think he was faster? Last Eddie had checked, he and Buck had been pretty evenly matched.

The rest of the call went off without a hitch. Buck pulled the girl out, not much worse for the wear, and they doused the flames with relative ease. All in all, a couple hours work and a successful rescue. They should’ve all felt good. So why did Eddie feel like everything was so damn wrong?

* * *

As the shift was winding down, Eddie knocked lightly on the door of Bobby’s office before walking in.

“Got a minute, Cap?” Bobby glanced up from his paperwork and smiled.

“Hey, Eddie. Come on in. How’s your first day back? Still feeling okay?” He asked warmly, waving to an open chair across his desk. Eddie sank into it gratefully.

“I feel great. I’ve thawed out pretty nicely.” Eddie joked.

“And how are you doing with…everything? That was a lot to process.”

“I’m actually doing better than I thought I would. I’ve been going to my appointments, talking with Frank. I kind of had a…moment of clarity, I guess you could call it, down there.”

“That’s good. But something’s on your mind?” Bobby’s smile never wavered, and Eddie had to admire the way the man could always see through him.

“Buck.” Eddie said with a sigh.

“Buck.” Agreed Bobby.

“You see it too?”

“Kind of hard to miss.”

“He’s pissed at me for something, but I can’t figure out what.” Eddie admitted. “He’s been giving me the cold shoulder pretty much since I woke up in the hospital and I’ve tried to talk it out with him, but he’s not interested. Won’t answer my calls or texts. He’s always conveniently ‘busy’ when I try to invite him over.”

“It’s not just you. He’s been dodging all of us, Maddie included, since that night. Won’t say more than a few words to any of us and runs away any time we try to ask him about it. I even tried to bribe him with some of that fudge I brought over for you and Christopher, but he wouldn’t bite.” Eddie’s eyes widened.

“Okay, now that’s a sign of the apocalypse.” Bobby chuckled softly.

“We’ve all been pretty worried, but it’s not like we haven’t been able to keep an eye on him. He’s picked up so many extra shifts that he’s always here. I was just going over the schedule wondering if I should cut some of his hours. He’s way over time and he’s obviously not getting enough sleep.” Bobby chewed his lip thoughtfully.

“I just don’t get why he’s acting like this. I thought he’d be happy, you know? Happy to have me back. This wasn’t _that_ big of a deal. I got a little banged up and, sure, it was a close call, but I’m fine.” Said Eddie, running a hand through his stubble.

“I think you remember that night very differently from the rest of us.” Bobby’s voice was suddenly quiet. “Especially Buck.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Eddie, it wasn’t just a close call. When that hole collapsed, we…we all thought you were dead.” Bobby confessed. “I’m not proud of it, but it’s the truth. We kept looking. We organized and we set up search grids, but at that point it just felt like going through the motions.” Bobby swallowed thickly.

“Cap, hey, I don’t blame you. I saw those news reports-“ Eddie began, but Bobby held up a hand.

“Buck, though, never gave up. The moment it all fell in, he was on his knees, digging with his hands and screaming your name. It took me and three other guys to pull him out so he wouldn’t fall in if it kept collapsing. He just kept suggesting ideas, pushing for us to keep going, but with the storm, none of it was safe. At one point, I thought he was going to punch me. By the time you showed up, it had been hours and even Buck was starting to think that…that this was it. He was really shutting down.”

“I…I didn’t know.” Eddie was stunned. Bobby nodded.

“I kind of figured. Eddie, I don’t think Buck is angry with you. I think he’s scared. You almost died. To us, _to him_ , you were dead.”

“But I’m fine! And if he’s so upset, then why won’t he just talk to me?” Eddie asked incredulously. Bobby huffed out a small, sad laugh.

“We both know that Buck doesn’t have the healthiest way of dealing with his emotions. And it’s been a tough year for him. You pile one trauma on top of another, kid was bound to hit a breaking point sooner or later.” Eddie scrubbed a hand through his hair.

“So, what do we do? He won’t talk to me and this obviously can’t go on.”

“The only thing we can do. Keep trying.”

* * *

He was home. Eddie was absolutely sure of it. It had taken two more days of awkward silences and dodged avoidances, but Eddie had finally managed to track him down. He’d double checked the schedule and made sure Buck’s car was out front before heading into his apartment complex. He didn’t even bother knocking, knowing that he’d either be ignored or turned away. At this point, enough was enough. He jammed the key into the lock and stepped inside.

“Buck? Come on, man. I know you’re in here.” Eddie called as he walked into the kitchen and sat at the island. There was a rustle of movement from the loft and then Buck emerged, walking halfway down the stairs before sitting on one of the steps. He said nothing, just gave Eddie an expectant look. “That’s it? You’re not gonna give me anything?”

“What do you want me to say?” Buck asked tiredly.

“We can start with what’s got you so pissed off lately.”

“I’m not pissed.”

“Really? ‘Cause the other day you looked ready to deck me. And all I did was offer you cake.” Eddie quipped. He was goading Buck and he knew it, but he needed to get a reaction. They weren’t going to get anywhere with Buck holding everything in.

“I was out of line.” Buck said flatly.

“How about when you ducked out of team dinner? Or when you talked Bobby out of letting me get the kid on that call the other day? Were you out of line then as well?”

“What are you getting at here, Diaz?”

“Ooooo, Diaz now, huh? First you won’t answer my calls, and now we’re not even on a first name basis? That’s cold, Buck. And I was one with hypothermia.” Buck’s eyes flashed dangerously at that.

“Don’t-“ He started, but held back, his fist balled and shaking at his sides. Eddie cocked an eyebrow.

“Don’t what? Joke about it? Why not?”

“Because it’s not funny.” Buck hissed.

“No, it’s not. But that’s never stopped you or anyone else on this team before. First responders have always loved gallows humor. So why is it striking a nerve?”

“Just…drop it.”

“Buck,” Eddie lowered his voice, his tone no longer joking, “I am not trying to make light of what happened. I know how serious it was. How bad it _almost_ was. I know that you’re struggling with this and I want to help, but you’re not making it easy, pal. So, just tell me. Why does it make you mad when people joke about this?” Buck looked away.

“I’m not mad.” Eddie sighed and walked over, sitting down next to Buck on the stairs.

“If you’re not gonna be honest with me, then at least be honest with yourself. You’re my best friend and since that well collapse you can hardly stand to be in the same room with me.”

“I’m not mad.” Buck repeated, but his voice was softer this time. “I’m just so tired.”

“Tired of what?” Eddie asked, lightly knocking his shoulder against Buck’s.

“Of almost losing everything.”

“How do you figure?”

“Over the years, I’ve had to sit and watch as Chim got rebar jammed through his skull and Hen had a seizure locked in that vault and Maddie and Chim almost got murdered by Doug and Bobby damn near got radiation poisoning and I nearly lost Christopher in a tsunami and now I thought I watched you die right underneath my feet. We laugh and we joke and we make cute cakes, but is any of it really funny? Hell no! Eddie, it is exhausting, watching your family, _the only thing you have_ , almost die. I guess I’m just tired.” Eddie sat for a minute, taking it all in. He’d been expecting a confession, just not that one.

“You left some things out.” He said finally. When Buck looked over, he continued. “You’re a part of this family, too, Buck. You left out all the times when we almost lost you. You think we didn’t feel the same exact way? You think that every time we didn’t want to just hide you away somewhere were nothing could ever hurt you again because the idea of losing you again was just too damn painful? Because I know that that’s what you were trying to do at that fire, when you basically asked Bobby to sideline me on hose duty. But how is that any different than what Bobby did to you after the whole blood thinner thing when he kept you off active duty? And we both know how well that went over.”

“Eddie, I-“

“The point is, Buck, that we chose this life, better or worse. It’s a dangerous gig and we all knew that when we signed on, so trying to keep everyone safe all the time isn’t possible. And that’s scary as hell. But,” Eddie tilted Buck’s chin slightly toward him, “isolating yourself, pushing everyone else away so you don’t have to feel that fear is not the answer either. You gotta let us in, buddy.” On his last word, the tension in Buck’s shoulders seemed to break and he slumped against Eddie.

“I didn’t know what else to do.” His voice was almost a whisper.

“Well, _clearly_ I’m no expert in healthy coping mechanisms, you know stones in glass houses and all that, but your way kinda sucks.” Buck snorted softly. It was small, but Eddie would take it. It was more than he’d gotten in a week. “You could start by just talking to me? Telling me what you’re thinking?”

“You really want me to do that?”

“Of course I do.” Eddie assured him, slightly confused by the question.

“Okay then, you asked for it.” Buck took a deep breath. “Eddie, you’re a goddamn idiot, you know that?”

“Come again?”

“Cutting the rope? Of all the stupid, moronic, asinine-“

“Wow, okay-“

“I’m not done!” Buck cut him off. “-dumbass things you could possibly do, you go with that?! You couldn’t have, oh, I don’t know, waited until you were within radio range and explained the situation? We would’ve lowered you back down so you could grab the boy. But, nooooo, you had to go all commando on us and let me reel up an empty line, you bastard!” By the end of it, he was breathing heavily.

“Feel better?” Eddie asked after a minute.

“Slightly.” Buck admitted.

“I thought you said you weren’t mad.”

“Maybe just a tiny bit.”

“This is healthy. Two grown men, expressing their feelings in a relatively calm manner.”

“With no fists.” Buck added, raising a finger.

“With no fists. Who the hell the needs therapy?” Eddie mused.

“Definitely us.” Buck concluded and Eddie laughed. “Seriously, man. I’m glad you’re okay and I’m sorry for being such a dick about everything. I just…I really don’t know what I’d do if I lost you and for the first time, I had to confront that.” Buck said, his voice a little rough. Eddie looped an arm around Buck’s shoulder and pulled him close.

“Just promise me you’ll tell me next time you feel like this, okay? Not shut me out. When I chose this family, I chose every part of it, even your sorry ass, so you’re stuck with me even when it gets rough. Deal?”

“Deal.”


End file.
